Gen

Someone gave me a heads-up, and underlined how harsh it actually was. First, thanks to whoever pointed out to Gen how awful I was to her so that she could read my post already angry before she even read what I wrote.

Gen, I had forgotten about insulting you before; I don't remember what I said, although I imagine it was about Bruno's treatment of you. Go ahead and post whatever you want; I'll just ignore your posts. I don't stop in much anyway, so I don't want to take you away from the board. But when I have talked about my problems, I've always liked having outside opinions to help me work through whatever it was. And the problems I was having in my marriage, if you remember back a few years, was that I was having feelings for another man, a man who I never had quiet dinners or overnight camping trips with, who I was only cooresponding with through email and phone calls. When I realized he was a problem, I stopped talking to him. And even though I have posted in the past and made some small complaints about Scott, and even though you have never stepped over the line and called (my) husband names, insinuated behavior patterns, or accused him of anything, never have I, or anyone else here said about our husbands: He is ... aggressive, he's become verbally abusive....I surely don't want my kids exposed

So you say that your husband is verbally abusive to you and then want everyone to tell you that sounds great?

Maybe you should read some more of what you wrote: He is never home, and I feel very single...
I called home in the evening, Bruno tells me he invited her over for dinner,
He did take Erika camping -- but he brought another woman !!!
He did go meet her on a few occasion while biking with the kids, or stuff like that... Erika tells me : ) So he isn't telling you everything. I wonder what Erika didn't see.

And then you tell us how he is manipulating you and making you second-guess your instincts: He assures me I'm crazy to think there could be anything
whenever I get home, (from the medical treatments) he acts like I have taken for-ever....
I keep asking why he acts this way, and he tells me it's all in my head...
I tried to put myself under the microscope
Bruno thinks, but of course, that I'm brainwashing Erika.... which is absurd
The last 2 months have been him barking at me, and putting me down

I knew my letter would come across as harsh to you but all you do is complain about Bruno and how he puts you down. When is the last time you even said anything nice about him? When is the last time he's done something nice for you instead of his new BFF? And why do you tell us that he spends the night camping with another woman and your daughter, then become hurt when someone suggests that he's cheating? Do you really want to act blind to it all? I did intend my letter to be like a slap, whatever it takes to open your eyes. I also intended it to be a pep talk encouraging you to finally stand up for yourself.

There is a man in a networking group I belong to and over time I have gotten to know him fairly well. He's fairly good looking, a fun dad, and successful enough, but he is the biggest slime ball I've ever met because he brings his different girlfriends to our networking events while his wife of 10 years stays at home with the kids. He says he stays with her because of the financial benefits and because she takes good care of the kids. He's been dating other women since months after they were married. I don't even know his wife, but if she was my friend I would grab her shoulders and shake her, yelling "run, he's using you!" When I think of her I wonder how can she believe his constant lies? But I guess she is one of those women who really would rather turn the other cheek, and I was hoping you wouldn't be that way too, because that seems like the weaker, more submissive choice of all.

I know you aren't the type to enjoy being shaken up a little, but my god Gen, surely my well-meaning-yet-still-harsh post hasn't caused you nearly as much pain as Bruno's constant rejection has been and will continue to be over the years. It's your business how you handle your marriage, but stop letting him talk you out of what you can clearly see, and demand better treatment for yourself.

That being said, I am not the only one who has voiced a concern over Bruno's faithfulness to you. I am not going to discuss it again but I am glad that I voiced my opinion because you deserve to be treated better!

And I don't know why you would point out all this suspicious behavior to us if you didn't want someone to help you figure it out. I am not wrong about what he is doing with his other woman, but whatever you decide to do about it is your business. I want you to know that I care that YOU get through this time to find a better future. And if you choose to turn the other cheek, so be it, but at least I didn't allow him to walk over you without warning you first.



That being said, our Christmas was fun, I got this really neat special effects cookbook that teaches ways to make food move, smoke, make sounds, and lots of neat tricks for parties. I've also read the Twilight series since I got the books for the holiday. It's no Harry Potter like everyone compares them to, but good enough to enjoy. The kids are good. I am going to try to enroll Caleb in kindergarten this year. With two older siblings, he knows way beyond what they need to know at the begining of the year. The only thing is that he hates writing his name, so he isn't good at that. He's currently in an all day MWF preschool and he loooves it. It was nice having the kids home from school for almost 2 weeks.

~Michelle