Sunday, April 03, 2011
....oh shit....
hello lovelies - i need some help and i'm not sure who i can talk to at this time. i think that i am pregnant again. i took a home test last night because my period is a few days late and it came up (+). fuck. fuck fuck fuck. i have not shared this with anyone and i really didn't think that i was pregnant. now i am trying to figure out what to do. many years ago (pre-kids) i had an abortion and i don't think that i can do that again. it's not that i don't want another child, it's just that factoring in another one is going to be tough. i burned up most of my overtime on maternity leave with carys. it's hard enough trying to get babysitters for 3 kids while working. i know my family is going to be so disappointed. i can already see the look on my sister's face and can imagine the lecture that is going to follow. overall, it's mainly the financial issue that is stressing me out. if i was rich and could hire babsitters and pay school tuitions without blood/sweat/tears, i would be chill right now. oh yeah, we also live in a 2 bedroom house. we are trying to pay off a loan so that we can renovate this house and add a 2nd floor but that is at least two years away. i spent several hours last night sitting alone on the porch thinking of ways to make/save money. do i have things to sell (old jewelry, furniture), should i start working 5 shifts a week, could we kill off dan's mother for his inheretance ? (just kidding, i love Ann- i'll just rob her instead). funny enough, the prospect of a 4th child doesn't scare me. once you have 3, you are so used to living and functioning in organized chaos that it is perfectly normal. but everything else ? that is scaring the hell out of me. this is mostly stream of conciousness writing so ignore all errors :) right now i just need a friend xoxo kri
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3 comments:
give the baby to me. seriously. i know it's weird. i was thinking of adopting a baby. chris is "fixed" so we can't have anymore...and I nearly died during pregnancy...
ok. that's not a "good" answer- but it's a truthful option. no questions asked. we'll adopt the oops baby.....
seriously....girl....call/email me..
sarahholcombe@gmail.com
678-863-1755
and screw everyones "opinions"....you know what they say about opinions and a$$holes....
love you girl. you're stronger than you know...
wowza.
first of all... i miss you all so much! Thanks for making me come here and check in, and thanks for sharing this with us. not sure if i can really be of any use, but i am willing to try.
I had an abortion years ago too. Actually, 2. The first was right before i started college, I was 17 and about to start dancing at a conservatory and was like NO WAY. Again when I was 19 and had a terrible, horrible, no good very bad boyfriend who beat me up. About both of these choices I am ok, and had i not made them I would not be me nor would i have my husband or my beautiful children now. So i am at peace with it. But-
When I was pregnant with Ava i was very aware of it and until I got past the stage when i had the d&c I wasafraid i would somehow lose the baby or something. Somehow I was tuned in to the difficult nature of abortion and it's tricky territory much more so when I was an happy expectant mother to be thank a young girl in distress. And despite being raised to be adamently prochoice and as you know politically liberal, I was uncomfortable with it while i was pregnant. It made me realize that I would never be able to do that again if I were at all able to care for the baby.
So naturally, in your position I would be up a similar creek. Not wanting another child, not wanting to do anything about it. Bummer! What I can say is that you will be able to figure it out, because you are a smart and capable and damn fiesty lady. You are a fantastic mama and a great nurse and even though it is incredibly annoying when people say this- everything does happen for a reason. This baby, if it is meant to be, will be here for you and for everyone to do great things and make the world better.
It will do that even if it attends public school and shares a bedroom with three sisters. Because you are its mama and you are EXCEPTIONAL.
I am the sixth baby in a family whose mother wished to stop having babies after 3. I was concieved 3 years post tubal ligation. Clearly, I am a determined individual. My parents have always told me that I have kept them young, that I was a gift to them and although I have not had as many resources as some of my older sibs did growing up- I have them. And being the baby of a big family is amazing. I have been abundantly loved and treasured by my brothers and sisters and that has been central to my life.
My husband shared a three bedroom home with his parents and 7 siblings his whole life. He shared not simply a bedroom (all five boys in one room), but a bed with his brother patrick until their eldest brother left home and got married. Picture two 180 pound catholic high school lineman sharing a bed. Your kids are gonna be fine.
Ok. we love you. i love you. call me if you wanna-
415-812-3046
tell dan. its gonna be ok.
MaryStarr
I want to start this by saying I am pro-choice. I have never been in your exact situation, but we do have an oops baby.
Samuel was unplanned. I was breastfeeding Vivian (who was 5 months old) and on the pill. Ron came back from a 4 month deployment and I was pregnant within a few days of his return date.
It is tough. We had some nasty words exchanged with my in-laws over my getting pregnant (including my MIL out-right telling Ron that I had to have run around on him while he was gone). We chose to ignore the comments and haven't been close with those who made them since.
If you need anything please call/text me.
360-3239
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