sunshine

has returned to my fair city after three days of bitter, damp, foggy, bone chilling cold.  I am feeling much more cheerful because of it.  I weighed myself yesterday and I have gained exactly 5 pounds in my first trimester (this weekend is the beginning of my second trimester, as I will be 14 weeks on sunday).  It is always a struggle for me to be at peace with this part of the process.  I continue to endeavor toward acceptance and self love.  oy.

I think the main thing is that I was very, very slim when I got pregnant this time.  I lost 7 pounds in my yoga immersion in august and was at my lowest weight since I was 24 or so.  So it is just a point of reference shift that is making it a hard adjustment.  But anyways.  I sound so petty, don't i?  yeesh.  I guess we all have our demons.

Reena, I am keeping my fingers crossed for you about your ovary.  Hopefully it turns out to be a reaction to your thyroid levels or something.  Matthew is hypothyrodic, too.  He found out while I was pregnant with Ava.  He has had a lot of success with synthetic thyroid replacement.  Basically they just give you a replacement hormone for the one your body has stopped producing, and you'll feel much better.  Even probably in ways that you were unaware of feeling bad before.  Matt had a very noticeable change in his energy levels, as well as his ability to lose weight (it was impossible for him to lose weight before).  He hadn't thought he was particularly lethargic, but he noticed a big change when his hormone levels normalized.  I think everyone has very different symptoms, so perhaps you are exeriencing different ones.  I am glad that you went in and had it discovered.  Good for you.  And mucho congratulations on the job!  That is fantastic!  Go you :)

Keli, I am so glad to hear from you and so sorry to hear that things are tough with Scott.  That sucks!  It is so frustrating when people just shut down like that and won't engage with you.  No sense screaming at a brick wall.  Just take care of yourself and the girls.  I hope he snaps out of it soon.  Are you happy about being back at the wellness center?  

Gen, whew.  That is amazing about what Erika said.  But you know, our children are really good at cutting through the bullshit if you know what I mean.  Because they are absolutely loyal to us, they truly have our best interest at heart.  And they have no filter of social obligation, that is, they are not constrained in their opinions by what is perceived as being polite the way adults (particularly women) are.  I hope for you that Bruno's month off proves to be productive and clarifying for you both, whatever the resul. I hope it brings you to a new place of being able to live openly and in an environment that is healthy and loving and good for you, whether it is together or separately.  If you want to be together I hope he snaps out of it and you can feel like he is really there for you as the man you deserve.  Because you deserve much, much more darlin.

That was fun writing in color to everyone.  Ok, must go be a little productive and get some laundry in.  What is everyone doing for thanksgiving?

Sarah, today as ever you are in my thoughts.  All my love and prayers are with you and your family, sister.  Big love.

xoxo

MaryStarr